"Remove Internet Explorer!" says the judge. "No can do," says Microsoft. And here are the company's ten top reasons:

10. A number of procompetition products need IE to function! Like Microsoft Money, Microsoft Office, Microsoft Encarta...
9. All 10,000 Windows programmers are working on NT 5.0 drivers right now, sorry.
8. Just give us a few days; Bill's been pulling all-nighters working on it.
7. Steve Ballmer: "You know, we're just trying to keep the techies down at the Department of Justice on their toes."
6. Nah, it makes Reback see red...what fun!
5. Brad Chase says that without IE's DLLs, Windows is "unsafe at any speed."
4. Obligation to Intel: need to produce slow OS software to drive sales of fast chips.
3. Because.
2. Can't pay U.S. judges enough to staff programming department.
1. Come on, how can we take over the world without IE? You're not recording this, are you?